Somewhere I Belong
by Faithith01
Summary: Future Fic - Won Best Future Fic True Love Awards. JP pairing. Slightly AU. Completed
1. Chapter One

She threw the last of her clothes into the suitcase that dominated the foot of the bed. He sat next to it, watching her with somber eyes. He'd like to stop her, he told himself, but he saw the determination on her face, in her eyes, and knew it would take more than a small miracle to make her stay.

"You know I don't want to do this, don't you Pacey?" Joey brought the top of the suitcase down and pulled the zipper around to close it. "I don't have any other options."

"There are a lot of options, Joey. Staying is one of them. But you're determined to go, for reasons beyond my comprehension. So go. I'll be fine." Pacey gave what he thought to be a cynical glare, but to Joey he only looked pained.

"Pacey." She sighed, putting a cap on her frustration. They'd had this argument everyday for the last three weeks. He loved her, she knew that. She loved him, more than she could ever begin to explain. But in her world, happiness was something that you searched for, quested after. Pacey believed that happiness came from just being.

She was tired of _just being_.

"Spare me." Pacey pushed himself up off the bed, and grabbed the suitcase for her. "I'll put this in your car."

"You don't have to, I can get it." Joey took a step forward to take it from him, and ended up taking three back when she saw the look on his face.

Forced dignity. There was no other way to describe it. She would allow him this last act of chivalry, not because he wanted it, but because she knew he needed it. She knew, she felt, rather, that this moment was the end for them. He needed things to go his way for just a moment.

She could give him that much.

"Is this it?" he asked, scanning the room, his eyes bright with unshed tears. They wouldn't fall until she was gone. He had that much resolve left.

She nodded, her own strength ebbing as the seconds until she said goodbye marched on. She followed him down the stairs of their home, passing frames on the wall. Each picture was another knife in her heart. They displayed the defining moments in her life with Pacey. Worthington graduation, Pacey's own graduation from cooking school, their wedding, the births of their nieces and nephews. They had bought a house together, built a life together, and now she was taking it all away from him.

For just a moment, even she couldn't remember for what reasons she was leaving, and almost hesitated on the stairs.

Almost.

He knew she stopped on the step behind him, her eyes fixated on the picture of the two of them holding the 'Sold' sign in front of the house that she was now leaving. He knew that in that moment, that half a second, he could have begged her to stay, and she would have. Her suitcase would have been forgotten, and her clothes would make their way back into her dresser.

But he let her have her moment of regret, and it was soon overshadowed by the need to get out and get on with things. She continued to follow him as he walked out of the house and towards the driveway, where her car was parked, waiting. Boxes were stacked in the backseat; full of things she would need from her home office. He waited for her to pop the trunk.

He lifted the hatch, and was terrified for a second that his tears would arrive before he was ready for them. There, in the corner, shoved almost out of view, was a box. In big, bold black letters, she had printed his name. It was her box of him, the one she told him she had started back in high school. His letters would be in there, birthday cards, anniversary cards; small heartfelt notes that he would pack in her lunches when she would brown-bag it to work. Private pictures meant for only the two of them would be in there, nestled against trinkets and mementos from their trips through the years. Post cards they had sent home to themselves. Coded messages. Their entire relationship sat in that box.

So she was holding on to that much, he thought. She was throwing away the future, and dragging the past right along with her. "That's interesting, Jo." He lifted his head to meet her eyes. "I thought you wanted to leave the past behind. Isn't that what you've been screaming for the last few weeks?"

Her bottom lip quivered as she fought the emotion that filled her throat. How could she tell him that while she couldn't be with him, she couldn't be _without_ him, either? "Pacey, I-"

He slammed the trunk shut, silencing her. He saw in her eyes that she was going to lie to him. He knew that whatever she would tell him about that box wouldn't be the truth. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, this is just as difficult for her.

He shook his head as she started to speak again. He walked over to her, and placed his hands on her shoulders, bringing her eyes to his once more. "I never really thought this day would come. I'd always envisioned children in this yard, with my eyes and your smile. I would come home from the restaurant, and you'd be there, settled on the couch, engrossed in another manuscript that you just couldn't tear yourself away from. We'd kiss, because Lord knows, no matter how old I get, I'd never be able to keep my hands off of you. The kids would moan and complain; telling us it was gross to kiss. And I'd smile at you, because you had given me those precious gifts." He touched his forehead to hers, and squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the tears threaten. "You've given me a lot through these years, Jo. I guess I just never figured heartache into the whole plan."

He brought his lips to hers for one last kiss, and immediately hated himself when he felt her shudder. He could have her now, in these last few moments of daylight, before she drove off towards a future that he could never be a part of. All he had to do was take her hand, and lead her back to their bed, his bed now, and she would be his for just one more night.

He saw the surrender in her eyes when he stepped back. His hand reached for hers, and when he would have walked back into the house with her, he simply squeezed her palm in his, and stepped out of her way.

Rejection flashed in her eyes for only a second. She knew it couldn't be that way; one more stolen moment would only postpone the heartache that was already pressing down on their chests.

"I love you, Pacey."

He only nodded before going back into the house. He wouldn't watch her leave. That was a pain he would spare himself. He kept his back pressed to the front door, and listened as her car door shut, and the engine started.

His tears began their journey down his face then, going unnoticed. There was a crunch of gravel as she backed out of the drive, and then the noises simply drifted away.

He was alone.

----

She rolled over, pushing at the arm that was draped across her midsection. She turned to look at her companion, and sneered at his chestnut locks. Another snore erupted from him, louder than the one that had woken her just a few minutes before. She wished, fleetingly, that the sky might open up in that moment and swallow her whole.

There were so many other places that she'd rather be. So many other people that she'd rather be with. But this was the life she had picked...the path she had chosen. If she was unhappy with it, she could only blame herself.

She pressed the sides of her pillow to her ears, trying to drown out the obnoxious noise that came from the nostrils next to her. The man who slept there bore a striking resemblance to the man she had loved all of her life. It was for that reason that after a year and a half of dating, she hadn't once taken him home to meet her family.

It wouldn't do her ego any good to know that those that she loved would know the only reason she was with him is because he reminded her so much of her ex-husband. She didn't dare risk taking him to Capeside. The thought of running into Pacey with his look-alike on her arm was more than she could bear.

It wasn't like she loved him, either. You only took a man home to meet the judge and jury if you planned on making some sort of commitment to him. Joey had no thoughts of a permanent future with her current bedmate.

She pushed her hair out of her face, and stared at the ceiling. She could go home, and she could apologize to Pacey. She could get down on her hands and knees and beg him to take her back.

These were all things she was willing to do.

But every seemingly flawless plan always developed a loophole somewhere along the line.

Fortunately for Joey, she knew just what that loophole was.

Pacey might not want anything to do with her. He might take one look at her, and shut the figurative door in her face. _She_ had left him. She had torn his heart out, and dragged it across the country with her. She had given him a reason to stop loving her. She had made the mistakes.

Matthew's arm slipped back across her abdomen, breaking the link in her chain of thoughts. His face nuzzled into her neck, and he murmured incoherently as he shifted his weight to her side of the bed. If she let him, he would stay there, in exactly the same position until the alarm clock sounded, and he jumped out of bed. She had found it endearing, and just a little cute, when he had stayed over that first night, and leapt from the bed the second the alarm went off. A siren could blare outside her townhouse, and he would sleep right through it. But the minute that damn clock started to chirp, he was on his feet.

She traced the barbed wire tattoo that encircled his upper arm, and smiled a little at the goose bumps that formed from her touch. She had never figured herself to be a tattoo kind of girl, but with Matthew, she found herself accepting them as though they were a birthmark he had been born with.

Matthew wasn't a kind man, and he wasn't often a gentle man. He made his living outside, tearing off and redoing roofs. It kept him in shape, deliciously tanned, and constantly surrounded by the wrong kind of people.

She knew he had a drug problem, but so far she had tolerated it, as he hadn't brought it home to her. He kept late hours, and often didn't have the energy to make love with her. But he would always find himself wrapped around her sometime during the night. It was during those times that Joey dreamt her saddest dreams.

In that alternate universe, where wishes could come true, and often did, fate decided that her subconscious would be haunted by the vision of Pacey.

So when Matthew's arms slipped around her in the night, it was Pacey's touch that she was feeling. And when Matthew awoke her with a kiss, it was Pacey's love that poured into her soul.

And when Matthew sent her to heaven and back, it was Pacey's name that she longed to scream.

A single, solitary tear traced her cheek. She felt the need to sob, and wail, and scream until the pain faded, but knew that in this moment, with this man that clung to her so tightly, her heartache would be misunderstood. Her new life had no room for old hurts.

So, she filed the tears away for another day, and wrapped her arms around the man she forced herself to be content with. The pain didn't fade, but with something solid to hold onto, it became bearable...and she knew she'd be able to get through another day.

----

He wiped a hand across his brow as he turned off the riding mower. Keeping the house after Joey left was a decision he hadn't made easily. Unlike her, he hadn't been willing to keep the past with him. He didn't want to come home to the place he used to share with her, and find it empty and full of silence.

It was the silence that hurt him the most these days. There had always been pots banging in the kitchen, music blaring in her office, arguments and love making in the bedroom. He was left to his own devices now, forced to go through each day alone, haunted by her memory, and the moments that still floated through the house.

If he chose to, he could sit on the couch and relive, vividly, the minutes they had whiled away in the living room. If he chose to, he could descend the stairs to the basement, and watch as the ghosts of parties past taunted him with old laughter and an even older love.

_If_ he chose to.

And wasn't that what he did, by staying here? Staying in the home that had been their haven for so long? It didn't take more than the footsteps that carried him into a room, and his entire past would play out before him.

There had been a for sale sign in front of the house for a day and a half. That's how long it took him to realize that leaving that house would be like leaving her. It was only a little ironic, seeing as how she had already left him.

But the thought of packing up those rooms, and giving up on their first accomplished dream was almost profane to Pacey. This, in its own rights, was incredibly incongruous. He was refusing to give up his past with Joey, just as she herself had refused to do.

He climbed the steps on the front porch, and grabbed a can of beer out of the cooler that sat next to the porch swing. The swing was forbidden territory for Pacey. He took care of it – painted it, replaced boards, made sure it was still firmly attached to the awning of the porch.

But he never sat in it.

It had been their first frivolous expense after moving into the house. Pacey had wanted rocking chairs, which Joey immediately deemed too 'Andy Griffith Show' for her taste. They wandered the patio section of the hardware store for hours, suggesting and overruling each and every piece of furniture that was displayed.

And then they had seen the porch swing. The display model was painted sky blue, but Joey had politely declared that this minor infraction could be over looked.

They bought the kit, and spent the next four hours fighting and hammering and drilling. Pacey offered to drive to the hardware store and pick up a can of cerulean paint, and Joey glared at him.

They had settled on white, and after painting it, they both slumped against the piece of furniture, exhausted from their hard work.

It had taken Joey only four seconds to realize they were sitting in wet paint. Even then, Pacey hadn't wanted to get up.

Pacey shook the memory out of his head and took a swig from the can. The lawn was done, sans for the flower garden that ran along the edge of the house. Pacey wouldn't be planting any flowers that year. Flowers reminded him of happier times, and the less remembering he did these days the better.

Pacey tossed the empty can back in the cooler, not caring that the inside would be sticky and have to be cleaned later on. These days, he didn't care about much. He cut the lawn purely because he didn't feel like paying someone else to do it. He washed the dishes only because he knew he had to eat. He did his laundry because, while the prospect of wandering around naked was appealing in many different ways, it just wouldn't be accepted if someone happened to stop by.

Not that anyone ever did. Now that Joey was gone, their old friends rarely ever visited. Dawson stopped by now and again when he was home from California. Jack was always busy with something or other at the high school, or with Amy. Lily and Alex used to ride their bikes over on the weekend, but that was happening less and less these days. Pacey knew that he was the reason the visits weren't as frequent. Even to him, the idea of spending time with a bitter man in his late twenties just wasn't something that seemed like a whole lot of fun.

He went on the dates Gretchen set up him with. He never brought them home, and he never went home with them. If he slept with them, it was on neutral ground. He'd spent a lot on hotel rooms in the last year. He could still remember the envious face the accountant had made when he had his taxes done.

He heard the phone ringing, and climbed the steps to enter the house.

Someday, he thought, someday it won't be all about hotel rooms and pretending to hate flowers.

----

Joey slammed the phone down. "Doesn't anyone answer their damn phones anymore?" she yelled, getting only a raised eyebrow from Matthew. She glared at him. "Oh, what do you know?"

He lowered the sports section, and looked at her, a bland expression gracing his features. "Look, Jo. I don't know who you were trying to call, or why they weren't answering. Don't fucking take it out on me."

"It's a wonder you even heard me in the first place," Joey spat, anger shadowing her features.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Matthew folded the paper and set it on the table. They had been arguing often, and he was about on his last nerve. He didn't like to be yelled at, and Joey was this close to finding that out.

She shot him an exasperated look. "Well, here on earth, that statement would most likely mean that it's not often that you listen to a word that I'm saying."

"If you'd shut up once in a while, maybe I'd realize you had something worthwhile to say."

Joey rolled her eyes. "I'm going out. Don't steal anything."

"What the hell is your problem, Josephine? I fucking live here. I pay half the rent-"

"Half the time." Joey muttered angrily.

"And half the time, I can't get a word in edgewise, 'cause you're always runnin' your trap! Shut up, will you?" He pushed away from the table and paced the length of their small kitchen.

"Again, I'm going out." Joey grabbed her purse off the counter and walked towards the door. She turned back before grabbing a hold of the knob.

Matthew was only three steps behind her. "You're not leaving."

"You're not my keeper."

His arm moved faster than she thought possible. The back of his hand connected with the side of her face, causing her to hit her head on the door. She bit her tongue in the midst of it all, and could feel blood trickling from a cut on her cheekbone.

"Now sit down." Matthew looked at her calmly, as though he hadn't just hit her.

"Matthew," she said quietly, gauging the situation, "I have to go now. This cut probably needs stitches." She twisted the doorknob, which she now had a vice grip on. She watched in guarded relief as he stepped back from her. She pulled the door open and slipped out, slamming it behind her.

Tears glittered in her eyes as she took the steps two-by-two on the way to the parking garage. He hit her.

The bastard had hit her!

A lesser woman would allow herself to feel guilty for egging him on. For yelling and pushing when she should have agreed with the situation.

Joey wasn't that woman.

She climbed into her car, and started the ignition. She was so focused on getting away that she hadn't noticed him running after her.

He was banging on the driver's side window when she put the car into gear. She slammed on the gas, never hearing his scream of pain as the engine revved and the tires squealed.

Never looking back, not when she knew there hadn't been a speed bump, even though she had felt one. Not when she was racing to the police station, changing lanes to a chorus of car horns and screeching brakes. If she looked back, he would be there, behind her, chasing after her with her fears and broken dreams at his heels.

She didn't want to look back anymore.

It was like her whole world had been waiting for this one moment. She hadn't seen until now that everything had been stagnant. Everything had been rotting. Her future, her heart, her past...

At this moment, she hated herself, as she never had before. She had moved across the country to get away from Pacey, to get away from what she thought had been stagnation. But with Matthew, life had even stopped standing still. He had been pushing her backwards, turning her back into the girl that was afraid of making her own choices.

With Pacey, there had been promotions, renovations, thoughts of children – dreams for the future. A year ago, those things had scared the life out of her. The idea of commitment, of the same face every day for the rest of her life, had for some reason, struck her as mundane.

Thinking about it all now, she wondered how she could have ever thought a life with Pacey to be ordinary. How could she think that her days with Pacey would ever lack fulfillment? How could she ever believe that moments spent in the darkness with Pacey would be less than heaven?

Matthew had been different. He had been new. And while his hair curled in the same way, and his eyes were the same shade of blue, she had chosen him because he wasn't Pacey. Matthew was hard, unbending. He did things his way, and wouldn't accept anyone who wanted things different. He never touched her in the same ways Pacey had, and while she craved just that, she forced herself to believe that Matthew was what she needed. What she wanted.

She pulled into a space outside of the police department and took a deep breath. Though it was cliché, she knew that this was the first moment of the rest of her life.


	2. Chapter Two

Joey walked out of the station a lighter woman. Charges pressed, complaints filed, suspicions planted.

If she was going to ruin a life, again, she was going to do it all the way. She told them about the single backhand to the face, the constant berating, and the stash of pot she had found hidden under his side of the mattress. She also mentioned, offhand, that she may have, possibly, run over his foot on the way to the police station.

Her statement was taken, and she was told it would be taken care of. If they needed her again, they had Bessie's number in Capeside.

She was going home.

Or what home used to be. There was always a place for her there, always a bed, and always four walls to call her own if she happened to need them.

It had been so long since she had last admitted that she needed them. So long since she had passed through those doors, and felt the love that encompassed those rooms. She could always feel her mother there, even though so much had been changed since she'd been alive. Her father's presence she knew she could do without, but knew that somehow, if she didn't feel him there, it wouldn't be the same.

Some of the greatest moments of her life had played out in that space. Defining, life changing moments.

But she had let them become simple memories when she started her life with Pacey. She gave herself over to creating new, defining, life changing moments with the man she had loved since childhood. There had been other men, other half-loves, but in the end, it always came down to the knowledge that Pacey knew what she needed. He knew what she wanted. He knew her inside and out, and that was something she was no longer willing to live without.

Even in the nineteen months that had passed since she last saw him, she knew that he hadn't stopped knowing every part of her. She hadn't changed in even the smallest way. Her hair still fell past her shoulders, the same length it had always been. Her eyes were still the chocolate-brown color that had held him captive for so many years of his life.

When life becomes stagnant, you stop moving as well. Matthew had pushed her back emotionally, but her dreams, her goals, her wishes...

They were all still bottled up deep within her, waiting for the day that Pacey would save her from the darkness that she's shrouded her life in.

The future taunted her from the horizon as she thought of the things she'd left behind. If she looked hard enough, the deep blue of the sky seemed to be reflecting from his eyes, thousands of miles away. If she looked hard enough, she could see the life that she had yet to live.

If she looked hard enough, she could see him.

It was time to look.

----

He knew she was home. No one had to tell him. He could feel it in the way Bodie looked at him when he didn't think Pacey would notice. He could hear it in Alex's voice when he started visiting again. He could see it on Lily's face as she stood next to her best friend, wishing that she could just tell him.

He knew that when the phone rang, and there was no one there, it was her. He knew that when the hair stood up on the back of his neck as he was drifting off to sleep, she was thinking about him. He knew that when the birds stopped calling in the trees for just a moment, she had lost her courage to come to him, again.

He knew. He always knew. It's the way it had always been them. He didn't have to look up when she entered a room to see if it was her. He could tell by the way her scent drifted over him, and her presence overcame him.

He stepped out on to his porch and settled on the step. He could see the swing moving back and forth in the slight breeze from the corner of his eye, but he wouldn't let it get to him. The memories that that single mess of wood brought to him were more than he could handle at this moment.

He let his mind wander, consciously making an effort to keep his thoughts off of his ex-wife.

His mind was never one to listen to him.

He thought about how a single kiss from her was all he ever needed to keep him going through the day. He remembered how her hair would fall down around them as they were making love, becoming a curtain, shielding them from the outside world.

It never took more than a look from her for him to know that she was head over heels in love with him. But hearing it...hearing those three words pass her lips was like visiting heaven.

Suddenly, she was there, invading every part of his mind, filling his space, taking over his sanity. Her voice rang in his ears; her touch slid across his skin, her taste caressed his tongue. Tears burned his eyes, and he knew – he _knew_ this wouldn't end until he'd seen her. It wouldn't stop until he'd had his say.

He rubbed at a patch of weeds that were growing up through the bricks that made up the pathway to the porch from the sidewalk. He'd have to get back outside and work on the lawn soon. Life went on all around him, even though he wished, sometimes fervently so, for his days to come to an end.

He knew it was stupid, pathetic even, to let his world revolve on one axis alone. But Joey had become his axis so long ago...

It was impossible to even think now that this could be changed. She had been, and always would be the reason that he took each breath.

A love like theirs was dangerous. It was all consuming, selfish, and full of terrifying mistakes. One wrong turn, and everything could come crashing down.

He looked up at the sky, a dusky purple-pink color now, as the sun set. In that moment, he finally accepted that his life had crashed.

There was only one person who could help him repair the wreckage.

And she was home.

----

Days passed by slower on the cape. The wind was saltier, the sun seemed further away, and the water was always colder.

Joey spent her hours reorganizing the books at the B&B. Bessie hadn't done a horrible job with them, but she had to work on something while she was there. Even though she was with family, she felt obligated to pitch in, to lend a hand. She needed to feel as though she wasn't a burden on her sister.

There was only one other place in the world that she'd rather be, and after four months in Capeside, she had yet to build up the strength to finish the drive over there. Every time she started, she got a little bit further. Once, she drove past the house, but broke down at the sight of it.

It was as though nothing had changed, save for one thing. She tried to pretend that she was only coming home from work and Pacey would be in the living room, watching some game or another, and life would go on as it always had. But she knew it wasn't like it used to be, because there were no flowers. The flowers had been hers, her mark on the house, her signature.

But they were gone now.

The swing was still white, and the shutters were still a wind-faded gray. The trees were taller, and the bushes were fuller, and the flowers were gone.

She had forced herself to accept this. She had left him. Packed up her belongings, moved across the country, and served him with divorce papers.

If the flowers were gone, it was her fault. She hadn't been there to plant them.

She was sitting at the edge of the dock now, watching Lily and Alex swim. It seemed almost wrong to her, that there hadn't been another Witter for them to include in their small world. She rubbed her hand across her abdomen, and felt a small ache start in her chest. At this very moment, she could have been sitting in a rocking chair, nursing her first child. A child made from the best parts of Pacey and herself. She could have created a small miracle with Pacey.

Could have.

But like the flowers, there was no child. There wasn't even the possibility of a child, because she wasn't with Pacey.

She felt the tears form, and tried in vain to keep them from falling. She heard footsteps behind her, and quickly wiped away the evidence of her pain.

Bessie watched as Joey set her shoulders and took a deep breath. She hurt for her little sister, and prayed every night that she would find the strength to heal her heart. It was like watching an infant learn to walk. You long to reach out to them and guide them along, but know deep in your heart that the missteps and falls will help them learn faster than any kind of direction.

"Go on inside, Jo. I'll keep an eye on them."

Joey walked past her sister without a word. She was afraid if she opened her mouth, tears might fall, and she might never find the strength to stop crying.

She went in the back door, and instead of turning to go to her bedroom, she followed the hall out to the front door, to where her keys hung on a hook next to the coat closet.

The sun was just beginning to set as she climbed into her car, and started the engine. It would be twilight when she got to the house; the first stars starting to shine.

For just a second, she felt contentment, as though she could feel his need for her just as strong as her own for him.

It was that which compelled her to put the car in gear.

And it was that which gave her the strength to stop the car in his driveway.

----

He had just stepped out on the porch with a screwdriver when she pulled up in his driveway. He looked down at the tool in his hand, and decided that life did work in mysterious ways.

Not even a minute before, he had thought to himself, _'If she doesn't show up before I take down this porch swing, it was never meant to be.'_

And here she was.


	3. Chapter Three

They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. After a year and a half, they were here, at the place it had all ended. Her in that car, the one that took her away from him so long ago. And here he was, standing on the porch of the home he had saved incase she came back.

And for some reason, he wanted her to leave. He felt as though she were intruding upon some sacred space. It was as if in that moment he had grabbed the screwdriver, life for him had become livable again.

He forced the scowl from his face. He'd wanted a chance to have his say, and some higher power was granting him that. He sat on the step, and waited for her to get out of the car.

More time passed, minutes probably, but they seemed like years. When she climbed out of the car, he waited for the wave of remembrance to wash over him, as it had done earlier.

It never came.

She noticed this. She saw that there was nothing on his face. No sign of emotion. There wasn't even anger.

What was she going to do when he didn't even have the heart to hate her anymore?

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and looked at her shoes. "Hey," she murmured.

"Hello, Joey."

"Um, I'm-" she took a deep breath, sighing as she let it out. "I'm sorry for just dropping by."

"It's fine. I'm not busy tonight," Pacey explained, keeping his expression bland. _Why is it,_ he thought, _that just a moment ago, I wanted nothing more than to have her here and now I want her to leave and never come back?_

"Can I sit down?"

"Sure." He moved over a few inches to make room for her on the step. He wouldn't take her inside. It was easier out here. Here, he could remember how she left, and without a backward glance. Out here, it was easier to hate her.

"Thanks." It tore her apart that he was being so nonchalant about her showing up in his driveway. Why couldn't she see what he was feeling? Why couldn't he make this easier, and blow up at her?

"So, how long have you been in Capeside?" he asked, rhetorically. He knew, and she knew that he did. It was Capeside, of all places. Secrets couldn't be kept.

"A few months now. I'm in the process of moving back. I've been looking for an apartment. I think I'm starting to get on Bessie's nerves." Joey smiled faintly, hoping to get even the smallest glimpse of the man she had married, the man she had loved.

The man she had left.

Still, there was nothing. Not even the shadow of his trademark smirk, the one that had turned her upside down more times than she could count. She sighed. Maybe this had been a mistake.

"Look, Pacey, I'm sorry for just coming over like this. I'll go." She got up, and turned to look at him before getting back in her car.

And there it was.

The small flicker in his eyes that changed the color from blue to black. She knew, then, that there was something. Hell, it was more than something. It was everything. That small change, the reaction he never could control, told her that she had a chance. And at this point, after the months she had spent in her own personal purgatory, she'd take any small scraps she could get her hands on.

"Pacey?"

"Who hit you, Jo?"

"Pacey, I-" she stammered, taken by surprise at the sudden emotion in his voice.

"Who the fuck laid a hand on you?" He stood up and walked the short distance to take her face in his hand. "Did he get away with it?"

Tears filled her eyes, and her mouth turned up on one side. "I ran over his foot."

He made a noise that sounded almost like a chuckle, but she wasn't sure.

"He left a mark on you." There was pain in his voice, and he hated himself for letting it be heard. He wanted to push her away and make her go, but he saw, there in her eyes, on her face, that this small moment meant more to her than anything had in a long time.

He wouldn't take that away from her. Even if everything in him said she didn't deserve it.

She lifted a hand to trace the small line with her fingertip. She had thought it was too slight for anyone to notice.

She should have known he would see. He would have known if her hair was half an inch shorter. He would have known, even if it had been longer than just a year and a half. Ten years could have passed, the scar faded with time, and he still would have known.

A single tear slid down her cheek, and landed on his thumb.

That was enough to bring him back to the moment. "Jo, I can't do this right now."

"Oh."

"Come over tomorrow. Around two. I'll be home by then."

"I can't tomorrow, Pacey. Jack and Doug are flying in. Bessie wants me to meet them at the airport."

"I'll drive with you." He was just as surprised as she was to hear the words tumble off his lips. _'I'll drive with you?'_ he repeated again to himself. He didn't want to be near her now, what made him think a three-hour drive to the airport would be a good idea?

"You don't have to. You're probably busy anyway." Joey stepped back, breaking the contact between them. She felt relief and regret all at the same time.

"It's not a big deal, Jo. Doug's my brother, and I'm sure he'd wonder why Bessie sent you all the way to the other side of Boston, when I could have done it instead."

"I'd like to see them, too." Joey whispered, another tear rolling down her face.

Before he thought to stop himself, he was wiping it away for her. Neither one could speak for what seemed like hours.

"I should go," Joey murmured. She moved away from his touch again, wishing that instead of stepping back all the time, she could have just faced her fears and walked towards him in the first place.

"I'll pick you up at eight."

"Are you sure?" Joey looked at him, her eyes searching his; looking for the doubt, the pity, anything that might tell her he didn't want to do this.

"I'll be there at eight, Joey."

"Okay."

Pacey watched her walk back to her car. He couldn't help but think that things were going to change, and that possibly, they already had.

He stood in the same place until her car was out of sight, and stayed there even then. The sky was dark now, his yard illuminated by his porch light. He turned his face towards the heavens, and wished on a star.

_Starlight, star bright..._

----

It was nine-thirty now, and they were halfway to Boston. The most that had been heard from either one was Joey's breakfast order at the McDonald's drive through, and their muttered greetings when Pacey had picked her up.

To say the tension was noticeable would have been an understatement. Joey didn't have enough hands to count the times they both turned to the other, fully intending to start the dreaded conversation, only to lose their nerve.

She knew it had to happen. Things would only stay like this until she told him. Finally told him why she had left, why she had torn his heart out and dragged it across the country with her.

Pacey watched her from the corner of his eye, and knew she was this close to finally saying something. He tried to start the conversation; at least forty-seven times now. It wasn't his place to say something first, and they both knew that. He just had to find a little more patience so he didn't explode before she did open her mouth.

She counted to one hundred. She took four deep breaths. She recited the state capitals. And still, she wasn't any closer to being ready for this than she had been when she left.

"I was scared of you," she blurted out, almost yelping at the sound of her own voice.

"You were what?"

"I was-" her voice caught in her throat, and she had to give herself a moment before continuing. "I was scared of you."

"Why?" This wasn't what he expected. When he found out she had moved to California, his first thought was that she was running back to Dawson. One phone call to their old friend and his suspicions were quelled. Dawson was getting ready to propose to his current girlfriend, and hadn't heard from Joey in months. He hadn't wanted to think that there was someone else, but to him it was the only rational explanation.

"I don't know, Pacey. Things with you were perfect. I got the promotions I wanted. Your restaurant kept making more and more money. I was afraid of the success. I was afraid of losing it all."

He glanced in her direction, and found her staring out the passenger side window. "So," he wondered aloud, "instead of telling me this, and letting me help you with this, you took off?" He shook his head. "Seems a little moronic, if you ask me Jo."

"I don't remember asking you," she snapped, glaring at him. "Anyway, I'd like to finish."

He gestured with his hand for her to go on and refrained from commenting. He wasn't sure if he would be able to say anything that wouldn't frustrate her more.

"In any case, you're right. Instead of going to you, and talking about all of this, like I should have done, I left. I told you when Jen died that I wanted to stop running. And I did, until I realized that things moved just as fast when you were standing still. All of a sudden, I was married. I got this phenomenal promotion that let me work from anywhere, even the west coast. We bought a house, we were 'settling down,' as it were. And I wondered where my freedom went."

"I wasn't trying to tie you down, Jo." Pacey changed lanes, looking at her quickly, hoping she would see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I know you weren't Pacey. It's just that, you were so happy being here, in Capeside, even after all the times we would dream about getting out when we were younger. I wasn't unhappy here, but I kept wondering if maybe there was something better somewhere else."

"Jo, I loved you the best I could."

She looked at him, sadness in her eyes. "I didn't say someone better, Pacey. There isn't anyone better than you. I just thought that I might have been happier _somewhere_ else."

A fist closed around his heart. He didn't want to ask the next question, but it couldn't go unanswered. It was the key to his livelihood. It was the piece that would either guarantee or destroy his sanity. "Were you?"

She gave him a cynical smile. "You saw the scar Pacey, tell me what you think."

"I think you went in search of something you already had, but didn't know you did. I think that what you found made you realize what you had. I think that you really fucked up, Jo."

Joey nodded. It was blunt, but he was right. "I never said I didn't."

"What did you come back for, Joey?" He took his exit, maneuvering through traffic as his life slowly changed.

"I wanted to come home. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be with someone that loved me." Her voice shook; tears falling freely down her face.

"You didn't have to leave in the first place."

"Knowing that now doesn't take away what I did to you, Pacey. I hate myself for doing that. But I can't take it back, and there isn't anything I can do to fix it."

"You came back."

Joey looked at him, confusion coloring her features. "What do you mean?"

"You said there wasn't anything you can do to fix it. You already started trying. You came home."

"Pacey, I-"

He cut her off by shaking his head. "Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

Joey nodded, fighting a new wave of tears. Maybe she did have a chance after all.

Pacey pulled into the airport parking lot, thinking way too hard about things he wasn't sure he wanted to think about. He owed her a chance. It was only fair. Hadn't he left her once, leaving her alone with her tears and her heartache? He'd broken her once, and still, when he needed her more than he needed air to breath, she was there to take his hand.

He looked down at his hands after climbing out of the car. Was he really in any kind of shape to reach out to her now?

She watched him over the roof of the car, the pain in his eyes more evident than ever before. It was torture, seeing him like this, and knowing she had caused all of it.


	4. Chapter Four

Things had been looking up for him. The restaurant was practically paying for itself, giving him time for the things he had always wanted to do. Never before had he thought he would be here, with all these options. Hell, he could even go sailing for the summer, without a worrisome thought in his head.

The trouble was everything that he wanted to do involved Jo.

If only she could have waited that year and a half. If only things could have happened faster. Maybe they would have celebrated the birth of a child tonight instead of spending what would have been their fifth wedding anniversary having a stilted, painfully polite dinner with Doug and Jack.

He had no idea what had compelled him to say yes when they asked. And he hadn't the faintest clue as to why it had mattered so much to him that they spend this day together.

She had missed the last anniversary, why should this one even begin to be important?

She was back. That's why this was different.

Fate had to be playing some sort of cruel joke on him. Before he knew it, Dawson would be home, proclaiming his undying love for Joey, and they'd be married by next week.

He shook his head. It didn't matter. None of it did. Not anymore.

Her coming home meant nothing. Life hadn't been what she wanted out in California, so she was starting at the beginning.

It had nothing to do with him.

Yet, here she was, next to him in his bed, naked but for the sheet she had pulled up to her chest. He hadn't planned on bringing her here; giving her that glass of wine after they'd had so many at dinner...

He hadn't wanted to kiss her.

And he sure as hell hadn't wanted to touch her, taste her, smell her...

But here they were, one more mistake under their figurative belts, and neither one had spoken since he had whispered those three words to her.

"_I love you."_

I love you. They'd passed through his lips and she had tensed, crawling back inside to shut the door he had pried open. Part of him wished she would just get up, get dressed and drive herself all the way back to California. _Maybe she could go back to the Neanderthal who beat her up while she's at it_, he thought cynically.

He ran a hand down his face, and caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye.

She was crying.

Damn it.

"Jo?"

"Pacey," she said quietly, turning to look at him. "This shouldn't have happened."

"God, Jo." He broke her stare, fixing his gaze on a painting above his dresser. She had painted it of course, and still, he found himself unable to take it down. "I mean, beyond all that post-coital politeness that most woman usually employ, even when they regret doing something like this, we could have gone without that being said."

She snorted, and Pacey had to look at her to make sure the noise had come from her. A minute ago, she was crying, mourning the loss of some sort of self inflicted innocence, and now she chose to be cynical. Had he ever really known her at all?

"Pacey, let's be realistic about all of this, okay? I showed up on your doorstep yesterday, just as you were about to take down the porch swing that took us hours to put together. Then you drove me to the airport to pick up your brother and Jack. Then we suffered through a long dinner, drank way too much wine, and we ended up back here." She looked at him, anger on her face. "Just because you tell me you love me doesn't mean that everything else goes away."

He met her gaze, rage shimmering in his eyes, making them bluer than she could ever remember. "What? Okay. Let's get one thing straight here, Josephine. I may have said I love you, and that just might still be true. Possibly. However, that doesn't give you the right to tell me what's fixed and what isn't."

She made another incoherent noise, which made him even more frustrated than before.

"Look, Jo. This just isn't working for me. Either we're fighting or fucking, and to be honest, I don't like doing either with you."

He grinned as her jaw dropped. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She climbed out of the bed, completely oblivious to the fact that she was still naked. "As far I could tell, you had no problem fucking me earlier."

"I had no idea I was fucking you, Joey," he said quietly, letting the anger fade as quickly as it had risen.

"I have to go." She wouldn't talk about this now. She wouldn't let him cheapen this moment any more than she already had. She couldn't let him have the last word.

"Jo, if you leave now, that's it. I won't keep doing this. I'm tired of dancing around the issue. I know you came back because you missed me. I'm not ashamed to admit that life was hell without you. I'm also not going to lie and tell you that there weren't other women. But no one, no one Joey, had been in that spot since you left." He pointed at the bed, where she had been lying just moments before.

"What does it matter, Pacey? Whether you took them to our bed or not still puts them between us, just like Matthew stands there." She shook her head, lifting his t-shirt to pull it over her head. "I know now I shouldn't have come home. I missed my family, but God Pacey, I missed you so much more. I guess I'm just going to have to keep on missing you." She pulled on her jeans, not bothering with her underwear. She didn't know where it was anyhow. "Goodbye, Pacey."

_Stop her!_ his mind screamed, but his mouth wouldn't move. He watched her as she pulled on her shoes, without her socks. His eyes never left her as she walked out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out the door. He stood, bolted to the floor in front of the window, and let her car drive away.

Again.

----

The water scalded her skin, turning it red and raw. It had become almost too painful to hold on to the dishrag. But she didn't care.

The steam rose in waves from the sink, pasting her hair to her forehead and the back of her neck. Her shirt was damp; both from the water she had splashed on herself and from the sweat that just wouldn't stop.

She didn't care.

All of this was significantly more comfortable than trying to move on with your future when you've made the same damn mistake. Twice.

The pain in her hands was nothing compared to having to go through each day, knowing she could run into him at any time. And what if he was with someone? How would she ever be able to survive that?

The pounding in her head couldn't hold a candle to the sharp ache that shot through her heart each and every time she passed his house now.

She had driven back that night, and the porch swing had been gone. The flower garden had been tilled, but she knew there wouldn't be flowers there tomorrow. She knew she had closed a door that fate had left open for her.

There wasn't much stopping her from drowning herself in the creek these days.

Tangible, real pain was so much easier to deal with than anything that stemmed from her old marriage. The secrets she saw in her families' eyes each time a subject was expertly and almost subtly shifted aside tore her apart.

She didn't doubt that Pacey had a life after her. She hoped there had been women after her. She hadn't wanted Pacey to be alone. She just couldn't be with him.

Back then, anyhow.

Now was a completely different story.

But even now, there was no chance. The flowers were gone, the porch swing was probably a pile of firewood by now, and she was here, wishing hell would open up and swallow her whole.

Still, through the self-doubt and the self-imposed pain, a small sliver of hope shined through. A tiny thought that maybe, just maybe, if she groveled, and begged, and slaved away enough, she might still have a chance.

She shook her head. Hope was for the young, for the ambitious, for those that hadn't already ruined their life beyond repair.

She had no room for hope any longer.


	5. Chapter Five

"Madison, come here," he cracked open the door, calling for his daughter. He leaned against the house, and watched her pout at him.

"Daddy, I don't want to come in. It's not even dark yet. I've only played this much with my wagon." She pressed her forefinger and thumb together, in an effort to demonstrate the amount she had played with her new favorite toy. "I didn't get to take George on a walk."

At the mention of his name, the small, yellow-furred puppy jumped out of the wagon, and ran towards the front porch, squeezing past Pacey's legs. "It looks to me like George is ready to come in, sweetheart. I bet you're hungry."

Madison smiled at him, striking him dumb. She looked so much like her. It almost wasn't fair that God has given him two perfect women. "Did you make ghetti?"

"Of course I made ghetti." He smiled at her, nearly too happy that she wasn't able to pronounce her favorite food. She was such a smart child. It was uncanny how much that small girl really knew. But with a mother like hers, it would have been unnatural for her not to be a genius.

"Is Mama gonna eat with us?" Madison asked as Pacey picked her up to carry her to the kitchen. The minute she was in his arms, her head was cradled on his shoulder and her small, toddler arms wrapped around his neck.

He had to take a moment to steady himself. He loved his daughter, more than he ever thought it was possible to love another human being, but when she melted against him like this, content to let him protect her, his heart filled. He never wanted to lose that. "I don't know, Maddy. When she called, she said she might miss her airplane."

The curly-haired girl stuck out her bottom lip, and Pacey felt his heart break. "Daddy, why does Mama and me live so far away?"

----

Joey settled her self in the reclining seat. She had decided to splurge on first class this time, since the flight back to Dallas from Boston in coach had literally left her limping for days. It wasn't as if she couldn't afford first class. She just preferred, in most cases, to be more frugal with her money.

You never know when things will just fall apart all around you.

She had even bought the seat next to her own, to ensure a relaxing, and issue free flight. When she had been flying home after leaving Madison with Pacey, the man seated next to her had decided that she was an excellent candidate for listening to how his new product would work.

She couldn't, for the life of her, remember what the hell he had been yammering about. Not that it mattered; she had spent the last two and a half months worrying about Madison. Not because she was so far away, with Pacey. She didn't worry about leaving her with her father. She worried about having to pick her up, and take her home...all those miles away from the place they both loved the most.

Miles away from the person they both loved with every part of themselves.

She sighed, pulling down the plastic screen to block her view to the outside world. She hated flying. She hated leaving Dallas, going to Boston, and trekking all the way back. It wasn't fair to Madison, and it wasn't fair to Pacey.

But she worked in Dallas, and she wasn't married to Pacey. And Madison had to deal with flying back and forth between her parents.

The thing that really worried Joey, though, was the fact that soon, Madison would be old enough to take these trips by herself, and Joey would have no excuse to see Pacey for two weeks a year. She would have no excuse to sleep in the guest bedroom of their old house, and she would have no excuse to sit on the back steps, and look at the swing set Pacey had built, using the porch swing as the centerpiece.

They had agreed that when it was time for Madison to start school, she would move to Capeside permanently. Joey wanted her daughter to have some semblance of stability, and after researching schools in Dallas, she knew Madison was better off at home, with her dad.

And next year, she started kindergarten. Her little girl would be spending her last nine months in Texas, and then she was gone.

Well, of course, she wasn't gone. Joey would fly up for Halloween, and Madison would come home for Christmas. She'd be back in Boston for New Years, and Joey would spend her Valentine's Day alone. Easter would be spent in Dallas, and then there would be the whole month of July, when her precious baby girl would be with her in Texas.

Although, if things worked out the way she hoped, there might not be any more commuting.

One of the VPs at the Boston office had retired, and after a couple of promotions, they were in need of someone in her exact position.

To say the least, she was keeping her fingers crossed.

Anything that brought her closer to home would make her happy.

At this point, it was all about proximity.

----

Madison had been running from window to window in the house, hoping to get a better view of the street. Joey had called an hour before, telling them that she was on her way from the airport, and would be there soon.

Boston wasn't a far drive from Capeside, but when you're four, and you can't wait to see your mommy, it takes forever.

"Is she here now, Daddy?" Madison whined, unfortunately grating on her father's last nerve.

"Madison, she'll be here soon, all right? Let's finish our game, and maybe by the time we're done, she'll be here." Pacey, reached out for her hand to help her off the couch. They were playing memory, and for all intents and purposes, she was kicking his butt, even while not paying attention. He kept wondering if this game had been as hard when he was a kid.

"But what if she's not," she asked; now directing all of her energy and attention to jumping on the center cushion of the couch. The same one she always jumped on. Every time someone would come over and sit there, they sank pretty much all the way to the floor. And each time that happened, Pacey would think of his daughter, and vow never to replace that couch.

"She will be. Texas is a far way away from Capeside, but now your mommy is in Boston, so that means she's only a little way away."

"Daddy, that doesn't sound right."

_And now I'm having my grammar corrected by a four-year-old_, he though to himself. "Well, sweetheart, how should it sound?"

"You need to tell Mommy to stay here." She finally bounced her way back to the floor, and now she was climbing into her father's lap. "I don't like the airplanes, Daddy. They make you far away."

"Oh, Maddy," he ran his hand over her hair; physically trying to sooth away the pain that he knew was in her heart. He hated watching them get on that plane, and he hated having Joey under his roof, under the false pretenses of it making the transition easier on Madison. She wanted to be there, because he was there, and he wanted her there, because Texas was so damn far away.

Pacey heard a key slip into the lock on the front door, and Madison perked up at the sound of the door being pushed open.

"Mommy! You're here! You're really, really here!" Madison ran towards her mother at full speed, and almost knocked her over as she flung her arms around Joey's waist.

"Maddy-baby! Oh, Mama has missed you so much." She stooped down to pick her up, and lost herself in the moment. There was just something about holding this child that made her feel complete, made her feel like less of a failure. And because she was a part of Pacey, her world wasn't quite as dark as it used to be.

"I'm beating Daddy at memory, Mama. You were wrong."

"Wrong about what, Maddy," Joey asked, as she set her daughter down, and took off her coat.

"Daddy doesn't remember everything. If he did, he wouldn't lose memory so much." Madison laughed, pleased with herself for making a joke.

Joey smiled at Pacey. "I see she's got a lot more Potter in her than I thought." She took a seat on the couch, forgetting to avoid the middle cushion. "Oof!" Joey exclaimed as she sank completely into the sofa. "I understand the sentimental reasons for keeping this couch, Pacey, but couldn't you at least move it to the basement, or something? This is not conducive to my physical well-being."

"You'll be all right, Jo." He gathered up the barnyard animal cards from off the floor, and tossed them in the box. He checked his watch, and then glanced over to where Madison sat on the floor. She had opened her mother's suitcase and was now trying on everything that wasn't tied down. Which, in all actuality, was pretty much everything. "Hey Jo, I really hope that there's nothing important in there."

Joey directed her attention to Madison, and just smiled. "Nah. They're just clothes."

Pacey knew they weren't just clothes. Doug and Jack had flown out to Dallas after Joey had gotten reassigned there. Doug had called him afterwards and told him that Jack had gone shopping with Joey, and she had splurged. Forty-five hundred dollars on clothes, and he was sure there had been more to come after that. Madison's clothes alone cost more than all the appliances in his kitchen. He shook his head, the woman had the money to buy the clothes, the body to wear them, and yet, she got her greatest joy from watching her daughter wear them out for her.

"Isn't she beautiful," Joey whispered, now standing next to him, holding a digital camera she had pulled out of her purse. She snapped a couple of pictures, which got Madison's attention.

"Mommy, I didn't hurt anything." She declared, raising her hands into the air like a felon on the run.

"I know, Maddy. I just wanted to get a picture of you. You look much better in those clothes than I do." She smiled at her, raising the camera quickly to catch the confused look on her daughter's face.

Madison stood up and walked over to Joey, and tugged on her skirt. "I got a secret."

Joey leaned down so that her ear was next to Madison's mouth. "Kay."

"Daddy told me that you're the most beautiful mama in the world. And I'll be just like you when I grow up."

Joey felt her eyes tear up and she turned her head to look at Pacey. He had been watching them, and the look of utter contentment on his face melted her.

And right then, with her daughter whispering in her ear, and her heart fluttering as he stared at them, she fell head over heels all over again.

----

_...48, 49, 50..._

Joey sat on the back porch, counting the stars. Her townhouse in Dallas had about four square feet of land she could call her own, but here, in Pacey's yard, she felt she could see forever. The sky was darker, the stars were brighter, and the air was clearer.

_...67, 68, 69..._

He had come out with her, sat next to her, but at this point in their tenuous relationship, it was no longer necessary for them to make small talk. He didn't ask if there was anyone in her life, and she didn't ask if he'd been on dates. These days, it was easier for them to be in the same space without fighting, or nitpicking, or awkward silences.

_...84, 85, 86..._

Occasionally, she would see him take a sip of his beer out of the corner of her eye. Just having him there, next to her, was a comfort she'd never be able to explain. She closed her eyes for just a moment, allowing herself to take in the scents of the night. And the scent of him.

"Damnit." Joey murmured quietly, unaware she had said anything out loud.

"What?" Pacey turned to look at her, his arm in midair, having been in the middle of taking a sip of his beer.

"I lost count."

Pacey smiled devilishly at her, "Of what? Your shoes?"

Joey slapped him on the arm. "Very funny. I was counting the stars. You know, I almost forgot how witty you were."

"Good thing for me, I'm unforgettable." Pacey gloated, regretting the words only seconds later.

Joey shook her head, feeling tears sting the back of her eyes. "Yeah. I guess it's true what they say." She looked him in the eye, not having the strength to hide her emotions from him anymore. "When you're right, you're right."

"Jo-"

"No, let me finish, please. This is important."

"Okay."

Joey leaned back against the porch, resting her weight on her elbows. The stars here really were beautiful. "I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, Pacey. I mean, you know, you were there. And I guess when I envisioned having children with you, I never considered the possibility that either one of us would end up as weekend parents." She closed her eyes, no longer able to stare at the world he got to live in everyday. The world she had given up. "I don't regret having Madison. Not for a single second. And there has never been a moment that I've wished that some other man was her father. Regardless of our current, and past situations, there's no one else in this world that I would ever consider having a family with. When you let me stay here after I found out I was pregnant with her, I thought I was trapped. That we would have this baby, and she would resent us because we were pretending to be something we weren't."

"And then I had that little girl, and I no longer cared if we weren't married, or if you didn't love me anymore. You had helped to give me the most precious gift I've ever received. And when I saw your face light up as you held her, I knew that everything would be okay. I knew that even if I ended up halfway around the world, and we had to fly a million miles to each other, that little girl would know we loved her. And we do, more than life itself."

"What are you trying to say, Jo?" Pacey handed her a beer from the cooler sitting next to him.

"I got offered a job in Boston."

"Another firm?"

"It's a branch office of the firm I'm with in Dallas. One of the VPs retired, and they promoted a bunch of people, and the only position they had left open was for someone with my skills. My boss left a message on my cell phone while I was on the plane. I haven't called him back yet. I have the option to stay in Dallas, and receive a promotion there, or I can move here to Boston."

"What do you want to do, Joey?" A part of him wanted her to stay in Dallas, far away, where it was safe, and he wouldn't have to see her. He wasn't one to endorse self-inflicted torture. But the other part, the part that held on to hopes, and dreams, and wishes wanted her close. As close as possible.

"It's been a long time since I've been home."

----

Joey sealed the last box with packing tape, and sat down with a flourish. "Who the fuck knew it was going to take six days to pack everything we own?" She reached out to take the beer that Pacey handed her. "You know, you didn't have to fly all the way down here to do this. I was seriously content just hiring that service to do all the hard work."

"Well, if you had done it that way, these boxes wouldn't be meticulously marked, or organized, and I sure as hell wouldn't have this permanent black marker on my forehead." He made a face at her as she laughed at him.

"Yeah, about that. If you hadn't just snuck up on me, I wouldn't have tried to stab you in the head."

"Oh! 'Cause, you see, I was confused. When you wrote your name across my forehead, you were actually just stabbing me in the head."

Joey nodded affirmatively. "See? And people thought you would never amount to anything."

Pacey chuckled, shaking his head. "You're one in a million, Jo. I'll give you that."

"Pacey, can I be serious for a second? There's something that I want to talk to you about."

"You can be serious, but whether or not I will be, is the question." Pacey winked at her, but settled himself in his chair, adopting what he thought was a serious pose.

"Honestly, pacey, how is it that you're a father? You can barely take care of yourself." She smiled at him, taking away any of the sting that might have been in the words. "But, really, I need to talk to you."

"I'm listening, Jo."

"When you asked Madison and I to move in with you, I wasn't really going to say yes as quickly as I did. And I'm sure you probably think that I made the decision based purely on Madison, and her need to be with you more. But, I have to tell you that my motives are a tad bit more selfish than that." She sighed, and took a sip of her beer. "We've changed a lot in the last ten years. When we got married, I never dreamed that at 36, I'd be divorced, with a daughter, and about to move back in with my ex-husband. And to be completely honest, I never thought that I would be calling you my ex-husband."

"Things happen, Jo."

"Exactly, and now that I've gotten this job in Boston, and Madison and I are essentially coming home, I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay." He was apprehensive. He was scared. He was elated. And you could even say that he was a tad bit confused. He loved this woman. He loved everything about her. He loved the fact that she could tear a person apart, and come back humble, and ask to help rebuild them. He loved that he could share a daughter with her. He loved that she was coming home. He loved her.

"Do you think, perhaps, if I found myself in possession of a sailboat sometime in the future, I could ask the man I love to go sailing with me?"

**The End**


End file.
